NO MORE HAJJ...!

Author: 
Ajibola Mojeed
Category: 

A man, Mr Yusuf by name, is perambulating at the exit door of a Mosque, obviously he's looking for something.

Yusuf : (On top of his voice) Imam! Imam!! Please, come here o!

Imam : (All away from the Mosque) I'm on my way. Hope no problem.

Yusuf : There's problem o! Your people have stolen my shoes again.

Imam : (Astounded) Subhnallah (Exalted is Allah)! Again! Have you checked all those places? (pointing no particular directions).

Yusuf (cooly caustic): Has my shoe turned into a needle that I must get lamp before I see?

Imam : But, these people do not also fear Allah!

Yusuf : Imam, I won't curse but my tongue won't remain stiff. The footsteps of a dock on water never last; the fortunes of whosoever stole my shoes will not last longer!

Imam : Ahhh!!! Alfa Yusuf, Muslims do not curse faah!

Yusuf : Have I cursed? The entry door of Danfo bus never rests, that person will know no peace! Sango ngbo o..!

Imam: Ehn.. Listen, other than cursing, swearing with anything besides Allah vitiates one's beliefs as a Muslim _ Shirk. Stop this, Alfa Yusuf for Allah's sake.

Yusuf : If I may ask, is stealing also an attribute of a Muslim? A snail dies the day it tastes salt, Imam, he who packed my shoes will leave no long! Tueh...! (He spits out).

Unknown Voice : Ahhhh...! SubhnaLlah! Who's that Abu Lahab of our time? (A voice traces inside the Mosque asks in flummox. The person appears with two other men carrying briefcases behind him) Are you the one cursing with all these oddities? (faces Mr. Yusuf).

Yusuf : Yes, this is not the first time my sandals will be stolen here. And...

The man: (Cuts in) And so what? Anyway, a pair of shoes is packed by us in order to write the name of the owner among those we want to send to Hajj next year. Is this your shoe?

Yusuf : (collects it as he shakes his head both in affirmation and regrets) Yes!

The man: Imam, please continue to enlighten your members on the etiquettes of Islam. We're sorry not to have anything to do with "Abija ". (He says as he's folding an unknown amount of Naira notes in Imam's hand then leaves).

Imam : Thanks, Jazakalah khairah, but what about the Hajj who wants to send Alfa Yusuf???

The man: No more Hajj...! (He says without looking back). *******

NB: All characters in this write-up are fictitious. Any resemblance with anyone dead or living is coincidence.

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